In the Grip of Grace

This past weekend, I was so blessed to invite an old friend to stay for the weekend. This year she had been on my heart so much and Louise and I would often talk about our friend and wonder how we lost touch and how can we find her again. Louise had never erased a phone message our friend had left on her machine from maybe 2 years earlier, but no tel# was left. We had only had one of our conversations on the weekend over tea, when I went to a meeting on the following Wednesday to listen to a group of people who had come back from Zimbabwe and wanted to start a program where they could help fight the battle of the HIV and Aids Pandemic. As the meeting ended my husband and I turned around and there was our friend at the back of the room (I will not post her name for personal reasons) and my heart skipped a beat I wanted to cry on the spot. She stood there looking as radiant as ever with this beautiful smile across her face, she stood with another old acquaintance so it was double the joy. We had the pleasure of seeing the other acquaintance proclaim her new faith in Jesus when she was baptized in early 2000 or 2001.

I noticed she struggled to find some words and as we chatted she told us she could no longer drive because she was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumor in March of this year. It was like someone had let the air out of my lungs, I was in shock wanting to cry but not wanting to make her uncomfortable so I had to put my drama skills into action. Yet as she shared she still held much hope, she had been to visit her son over Christmas and snook into her country, (she was forced to leave her country many years ago leaving her son behind) and ever since we had been praying the Government would issue a passport so he could join his mom. Well we are still praying and hoping that soon they can be re-united as the process seems a little closer but things can change so quickly in this country with corruption at every corner.

For the past 9 months I had feared for my own daughters life as she served in Baghdad, (a place we could not publicly say at that time as this could bring harm to her life) but now she has left, we are relieved, each day was a blessing each email message was a Praise to God - he kept her safe to complete the work set before her.

I find myself now wondering about my dear friend and what lies ahead - it is no coincidence that God's message in church is speaking right into my life, we are studying Paul's letter to the Phillipians when he was in prison. Philippians 1:20-26 For I live in eager expectations and hope that I will never do anything that causes me shame, but that I will always be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past, and that my life will always honor Christ, whether I live or I die. For me, living is for Christ, and dying is even better. Yet if I live, that means fruitful service for Christ, I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: Sometimes I want to live, and sometimes I long to go and be with Christ. That would be far better for me, but it is better for you that I live.

This is how I want to live my life for Christ, if I am to stay here on earth, then each day I want to serve Him. I want to be the better in other people's lives as they interact with me. My friend is already going through the process of volunteering at one of the hospitals in Toronto where she now lives. She is a true picture of humilty and grace, continuing to serve God in her time of suffering.

My dear friend explains how blessed she has been since her diagnosis, as she said, some people never get to know they only have a certain time to live, their life on this earth can be taken in a heart beat, to my friend everything has taken on a new light, she no longer rushes from one thing to the next but takes time to let everything take on a new light as though learning to see the beauty for the first time. Yes there are times when she is overcome but the Lord picks her up and whispers love into her life, that He continues to let her know He is with her in her suffering, and provides a circle of friends to lift her up.

What if we all lived like the song _live like you were dying? Would we not spend endless hours worrying about things we have no control over, wasting time fighting with each other, struggling and going into debt to buy things we can not take with us from this life, and passing people by who need a friendly hello.

I am hoping my friend will visit as often as she needs to so that she can have a break and we can love on her. We enjoyed our weekend together, we laughed and ate, talked our Africa, put the world to rights and took a trip out to the country. To finish our time together we went to a praise night where I could secretly cry in the darkness, pray, sing and lift Jesus name on high amidst the pain in my heart for my friend.

I am learning how to love in the midst of pain.
Please help me in joining in prayer for our friend, God knows her name, it is written already on His heart.

Michelle